hi beloveds im hopefully going to be less active on tumblr for a while! my discord is soldierpoetking#4564 if you wanna talk or even just friend me, even if we’ve never spoken before :) i’ll still be around on here but im trying to give my brain a break from the endless social media scrolling. & also the spn hyperfixation. so. wish me luck & dont be afraid to reach out!
rowena and sam have both done good but terrible things for redemption and they’ve both gradually seen less and less in themselves and become more and more prepared to sacrifice themselves. and sam doesn’t want to kill her and she says “but will you let the world die? let your brother die? just so i can live?” and that’s what convinces him! because he knows what it’s like to carry the weight of his life having been given priority over the world, and he knows that sometimes your life is just Not Worth It, and rowena’s telling him her life isn’t worth it, and he’s listening because he’s been there. and sacrifice is a part of redemption, and he’s been there too. he knows intimately that when it comes down to it, death is a better way to fix what you did wrong than living ever was (i do not endorse this opinion but it is the foundation of sam’s story, over and over again). so he says “no.” no, i won’t, and you knew i wouldn’t because you know yourself. and rowena says “that’s my boy” because this is them knowing each other. that’s my boy, you’re doing this for me, because we’ve both been here before, you even more than i, and in the moment when we’re on the fatal end of the knife or the magic or the scythe or the fall, we know what’s worth it and what’s not. (and we know we’re a little selfish, too, because you wouldn’t let your brother die for me, and that’s okay, that’s okay, i know that little selfishness because i know myself and i know you.) that’s what it is that’s what it comes down to they are both just saying i know you. and i’m sorry.
